The End of the Road

It is with a heavy heart I write this post. Those that are close to me have heard the bad news but I still feel the need to express it here. It's taken me a day to have the strength to find the words but I think it's necessary now. Suki had been on a downward spiral since the weekend. Her appetite had decreased strikingly with no explanation. Her breathing had become similar to how it was post-surgery...heavy and hard. She was struggling for air. She had diarrhea throughout last weekend and it turned into virtually nothing in her #2's but blood. When walking she lagged behind by 3 feet moving at a snail's pace. My vet gave her a shot of dexamethasone to get her breathing under control as I mentioned in my last post. It worked somewhat as her appetite came back and she ate two great meals Tuesday night. We were so pleased! Wednesday I had awoken to her having an accident in the house....bloody #2 with not much else there. She's never had an accident save for one time when she was very sick a while ago. I took her for a walk upon waking....more blood every time she tried. Then the vomiting started. Everything she had eaten more than 12 hours prior had come up undigested. She was walking at a snail's pace 3 feet behind. Despite everything she's been through she always enjoyed her walks but now she just seemed cloudy and distant.

Back to Dr. S's we went. He recommended we start her on Kaopectate every 2 hours to coat her stomach, however the vomiting persisted so I doubt any of it made it to her stomach. At 3 in the morning we made a decision to take her to the emergency room. She was given 300 ml of fluid therapy, plus Cerenia for the vomiting, b12 injection to help with her nutrient loss, and something else to help protect the lining of her stomach. The emergency vet informed us that this was just the start of worse things to come. Next would be organs failing. We left with orders to return to our regular DMV first thing in the morning to follow up treatment.

The one striking thing about Suki is no matter how sick she was at any given time when we took her to the vet she would act completely normal. It was quite aggravating to be honest...it made me look like a hypochondriac half the time. "Yes my dog has been hyperventilating and dry-heaving all night including the hour drive over here....yes I know she's not doing that now but I swear there's something wrong with her!"

When I when I awoke Thursday morning Suki seemed catatonic. I called her repeatedly but nothing. I got dressed and ready to take her to the vet and whistled one last time. In she came wagging her tail ever so gently. When we took her that morning to the Vet there was nothing fine about her. Her essence was fading. She was definitely not herself and seemed miserable. Usually she would want to jump on the bench at the vet's to sit next to her mummy but not today...she just laid down by me. I knew in my heart it was time, and my vet agreed. Thankfully he brought it up first, saving me from being the bad guy and having the guilty feeling that I've given up. He reassured me we were doing the right thing, that it was time, and that it was only fair. The decision was made for 3pm that day (yesterday the 29th). My boyfriend dropped Suki and I off at my parents. I cried, and cried, and cried. I carried her onto my parents’ bed and I fell asleep with her in my arms sleeping peacefully as well. I awoke at 2:30 pm and we went downstairs. My boyfriend, parents, and best friend were all there and we awaited the arrival of my vet. Suki was on my lap and I cried some more. She heard someone at the door and made a feeble attempt to bark and get up but with not much success. She did eventually go say hello and wagged her beautiful tail for the last time. Despite all of the crap my Vet has done to her (none of it his fault....it's just the shitty duties someone has to do) my Suki absolutely adored him, even at the end. His bedside manners are quite remarkable.

He gave Suki a sedative and I carried her back onto my lap and pet her as she drifted off to sleep. We spoke of stories and the lifelong experiences that we had with Suki. We spoke of her beautiful eccentricities and everything that made her...her. It was time...he gave the lethal injection and I just kept her close, kissed her, and held her tight as she melted away.

My Suki was gone but will always be alive within me. This is the second dog I've led to the rainbow bridge because of cancer. I hope with every fiber of my being it doesn't happen again. It's such a traumatizing experience. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

One lady from one of the dog cancer groups posited that perhaps we experience multiple dogs with cancer because the universe knows we are best equipped to handle it and will give the most compassionate care. It's a beautiful thought and rationalization but I dread it being true. I've filled my quota damnit! It wouldn't be fair for me to go through this again. One healthy dog is all I want....from puppyhood to a natural old age death. Is that truly so much to long for?

I went to work yesterday after the whole endeavor (with a few hours of reprieve in between). It was crazy busy thankfully so I was able to avoid the loneliness for a while. The end of the night was the worst though. I dreaded coming home. I restrained crying at work and kept choking back the tears. I work in a bar so I stayed and had a couple cocktails once we were closed to work up the courage of coming home to a Suki-less house. (My job is literally 1 block away from my house so I don't have to worry about drinking too much and driving). I finally headed home. Every step towards the door was filled with crushing sadness and flooding tears. There would be no Suki to greet me with her "wiggle-waggle" and no cuddling from her after a long day of running around. I lived for those cuddles. It was always a time of reflection and relaxation. I could let the day melt away when she was in my arms. I would gaze into her honey brown almond shaped eyes and just smile. No matter how bad my day was she could make it better. And now she wasn't here. I put the key in the lock and paused. It took me a few minutes before I could even open the door. I just didn't want to...I wasn't ready to. I finally sucked it up, turned the knob and entered. I was greeted not by my fuzzy one but by a memorial candle I had asked my man to purchase. It burned bright for her and brought a smile to my face. I knew I'd be okay.

A million thanks to those that have stood by and offered their support in the early days, their compassion in the long days, and their condolences in the final days. You know who you are and dog bless you all. May my Suki rest in blissful peace 11/?/01 - 1/29/09. Any future donations will be put towards the cost of her cremation and an urn.

Darker Days

A Sobering Day
1/27/08 - Tuesday 4:36pm

It's been awhile since I've posted. It's just been such a mess these past few weeks. Bills are piling up. It's been one thing after another. I've said "are you fucking kidding me?" more times recently than I can remember. Suki has been pretty consistent....not worse, not better. I did end up starting her on the prednisone...10 mg. It seemed to be helping but I think we've hit a brick wall now I'm afraid. Her breathing has gotten much heavier and despite the appetite increase the pred is supposed to give, she's barely eating. I took her to Dr. S this morning for her first treatment of the week but for how she seemed last night I was apprehensive about her having it. Our vet agreed and was very concerned about her breathing. He's trying a powerful dose of a corticosteroid called Dexamethasone as a last resort to get her breathing under control. His theory is she's not eating because she can't eat and breathe at the same time. If this doesn't work I think we'll be at the end of the road.

At the end of February it'll be our 5 year anniversary of adopting Suki. I'm so saddened to think she might not be here for that.

Despite everything she's been through she's never whined once, and still wags her tail. She has such a wonderful personality and I don't think I'll ever find another one like her. She is my daughter, my angel, my baby, my light, and the love of my life. A world without her will be a cold one. Dr. S thinks it's time to start evaluating our "choices." I know I've come to terms with it....I came to terms with it weeks ago, but it doesn't make it any easier. I've cried every night...even on walks I start crying. As I'm writing this I'm choking back tears.

The strange thing is she doesn't seem that bad. The first couple weeks of her diagnosis she'd sleep in the farthest corner almost hiding. She did that every day. I'd been so used to her being my shadow that it was strange. I've nearly stepped on her so many times as she'd lay by me when I'm on the couch...that's if she wasn't on the couch with me. It was so lonely not having her by me. But in the last few weeks she's come back to her old ways. She's either on my lap, by my side, or by my feet. It's nice.

No one told her she was too big to be a lapdog!

More important than anything else at this time is that she doesn't suffer. I don't want her to get to that point. I think we waited too long with my Zippy to make that final decision and I won't do that to Suki. My vet thinks it's only fair though that we give her a fighting chance with this injection he's trying. We'll see how it goes. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Suki and her adventures with the big "C"

Suki's Vet Bill Fund
Please support this cause!

I'm writing this blog to keep track of my Suki updates and record a bit of her history. It's mostly for me to look back on to see any patterns but I invite you to read along if dog's warm your soul. For those who don't know, the donate button above is to raise money for Suki's ever expanding vet bills for her surgeries and treatment through paypal. Any extra money raised above her expenses I've decided will be split between two charities. Firstly the Companion Animal Rescue which is where I adopted Suki, and secondly the CCC (Canine Cancer Campaign). I'm pretty new to this blogging world. All of the updates will be contained in this one story to save for easy access. I'm constantly adding to it so just scroll down to read the new stuff.

When my last dog Zippy died it was so painful but I never wrote any of it down. It's important to remember the memories...good and bad.

The many faces of the mysterious Suki-yaki

Cancer is a four letter word
11/25/08 - I just found out today that my little girl Suki might have cancer. She's young...it's not right! She's only 7 we think. She's had two lumps removed in the past two years and both were benign but she stopped eating properly after her last surgery three weeks ago. She's lost 5 pounds which for a little dog is a lot..(her normal is 37...at that weight she's healthy but could lose a couple...but at 32 she's bony). She had x-rays today which showed she has a tumour the size of a tennis ball near her kidney and a bunch of smaller ones riddled throughout her abdomen. She hasn't been herself for awhile now and my Vet thinks she has lymphosarcoma. I won't know the full prognosis or official diagnosis till Monday but her medical bills are already starting to add up to well over $600 in the last month and that's before any real treatment has even started. I lost my last dog Zippy to cancer and I'm terrified it might happen again with Suki.

It's now close to five years since I adopted her and still almost every night she sits in my lap and lays her head on my chest looking up at me with those eyelinered almond shaped eye. I melt every time! When I look at her I see pure unfiltered love. It's a beautiful thing. I truly feel I found the perfect dog with her. She's extremely obedient with a large independent streak, not destructive, highly intelligent and very caring and affectionate. She's been a lot of work and has come a long way (as have I!). I thought we had a good 5-10 years left together. To think she might not be around that long crushes me. Please keep her in your thoughts as she's having surgery tomorrow.

The Knife Awaits
11/26/08 - Today has been the hardest so far. I didn't get much sleep last night...took a sleeping pill and passed out by 2am, and was up wide awake around 7:30 am. Those who know me know I'm a night owl. If my head hits the pillow BEFORE 7am it's a miracle. It was one hell of a long night. Today Suki is having exploratory surgery and a biopsy. She's in good spirits but I hate that she has to go through this! Everyone that's met my lil Suki knows what a heart warming beautiful angel she is. Even cat people love her. Some say she's just a dog but I feel like she is an extension of me. She's my little girl and we cuddle every night. I just want to take the time to say thank you to everyone that has reposted this for me and everyone that has donated. You are all wonderful and I'm amazed by people's generosity...some from close friends....some from strangers!

I dropped Suki off this morning around 11am at the Vet's office for her noon surgery. She was surprisingly calm....eerily so. Usually she's clamouring about trying to decide on her exit strategy. It never works but I can't fault her for trying. Today was different...she whined a little when she recognised the way we were going to the dreaded V-E-T but once inside she seemed to know that this was all necessary. Me, personally...I'm an Atheist....Jewish Atheist at that (or Atheist Jew if you prefer) but with a firm lack of belief and love of matzoh ball soup. Suki however just seemed so Zen today.

I was told to call for a report on the surgery around 2:30 but Dr. Scherr beat me to it at 1:05 PM. I knew it couldn't be good news and my heart skipped a beat. He's never called me first. The way he started out the conversation I wasn't sure if she made it through or not. I started to feel the room spinning and tears rising to the surface. As he explained, when he cut her open he found the tennis ball sized tumour was coming from her kidney. When he went to biopsy it she started to bleed out..alot. He thought he was going to lose her right there on the table. He had to remove her entire kidney to stop the bleeding. Thank dog for two kidneys!

The nasty tumour that decided to take up shop in my lil Suki. Her kidney is there somewhere.

The only good news is the main large tumour has been removed. Unfortunately it's metastasized to her lungs which are riddled with small tumours. I'm not sure what this all means yet and I won't know till Monday hopefully. I can't help but hope for the best and think of the worst. The unofficial diagnosis is renal cell carcinoma metastasized to the lungs but he can't confirm it yet. This beyond fucking sucks. I've been crying my eyes out all day. She's under lock and key at the Vet's till tomorrow morning. This house feels so lonely without her!

Home Sweet Home!
11/27/08 - We picked up Suki today and boy was she happy to come home. She has blood caked in parts of her coat from when she was bleeding out on the table. I'm afraid to touch it as she seems rather uncomfortable. I hate seeing her like this. She's having trouble laying down (understandably) so she's been spending most of her time wandering around listless. It's Thanksgiving today. I'm not an American and I really don't get this holiday. I'm not sure what I have to be thankful for this year...that I just found out my dog is dying of cancer? Great.

First E.R. Visit....and Hopefully the Last!
11/28/08 - 11/29/08 - The days have been blurring together a bit. I haven't been sleeping much. Yesterday we found a 4 week old abandoned kitten. I'm not a cat person and in fact am highly allergic but he was too cute to pass up and was so deserving of a home. When you pet him he sounds like a motor boat....only louder! He has so much personality and is going to be trouble when he grows up. I adopted him out to my Shameless Burlesque family of sisters who have since brought him home to their kingdom of cats where I know he'll live a wonderful life.

This pic doesn't do him justice!

Suki was so intrigued by the meows that came from the bathroom yesterday. It definitely perked her up a bit but she's had a real rough time these last 24 hours. It started yesterday when we came home around 5pm with the kitten. She was so excited to see us (as always) but she couldn't quite breathe right and starting dry heaving uncontrollably for a few minutes. It was unbearable to watch....I felt so helpless and useless! I wanted to do anything to make it better for her. Thankfully it stopped but she continued to have hourly episodes like this throughout the night, matched with slight wheezing and shallow breathing hence the no sleep on my part. I called my vet at 7:30 am in a panic and he recommended I take her to the Animal Medical Center in Cooper City....close to an hour drive. Her situation wasn't life threatening so the best care was the priority at hand. We had some more x-rays done and I was able to see them this time. Not a pretty site. She has more tumours than lung at this point. It's truly emotionally crushing. I broke down at the Vet's office. I can't believe I'm going through this all again! With Zippy it was different...he was older and the tumours didn't effect his breathing. But it was just as painful, just as frustrating, and just as traumatising. He was like a brother to me, I had him since we were both puppies. She on the hand...Suki is like a daughter to me. I still consider her my lil' girl even though in less than a week she's turned into an old woman.

The asshole tumors in my pup's lungs

She's been put on the antibiotic and sedative Clavamox, and the cough suppressant Butorphanol and seems to be sleeping rather peacefully right now in the corner and she's only had one episode of dry heaves brought on by excitement when Steph and Nicole came by to pack up the kitten about 5 hours ago...so that's a good sign. I could only get her to lie down and relax so she could breathe earlier by petting her non-stop so this is a nice reprieve. I actually have a few moments to myself.

With all this going on I'm sure some might argue that it's time to let go. But she seems to have so much fight left in her that it's just doesn't seem fair to give up on her like that. Not yet. She's been dealt a raw deal but she's coping like a champ. She still absolutely loves going for walks still despite everything internally wrong with her and thankfully her appetite is still strong although rather picky. She's not vomiting (knock on wood) and her bowel movements seem to be in check and we actually played a bit today with her stuffed lobster. I'm in the process of researching home-cooked alternatives for her right now. She's been on brown rice and boiled meats to firm up her 2's but it's not a balanced diet.

I'm off to the bookstore and supermarket to start her new diet regime.

Ch..Ch..Ch..Ch..Changes!
11/30/08 - Today has been the first day in awhile that I felt a bit back to normal. I had a full night of sleep thankfully! I remember when Zippy had a good day here or there we became too optimistic only to be smashed down to Earth when the face of cancer reality reared it's ugly head. I'm not going to do that this time. I realise Suki is most likely fighting a losing battle but despite that she seemed to have a "good" day today. I'm happy about that but I know better than to get excited about it. Her dry heaving has greatly subsided to more of an occasional cough. I'm still waiting on the results but I'm realistic. It doesn't look good.

With a clear head today I can say that if the cancer is of an unresponsive nature then we'll do whatever it takes to keep her comfortable for as long as possible until her quality of life is outweighed by her pain and suffering. If it's something that might respond to chemo (doubtful at this stage and considering the type they think it is) then we'll see what kind of stress it's going to cause her and what she might gain from it. The only think worse then knowing she has cancer would be seeing her in unbearable pain. Either way I'm going to balance her treatment with a natural approach. I've been doing a lot of research on holistic care and prevention and treatment of cancer in dogs. No matter what happens some good will come out of this experience. If I'm not able to help Suki then at least I'll know better for the future and hopefully will be able to educate others on the importance of cancer prevention and a healthful diet. It's not too late for anyone with a dog right now to take steps to improve their long term health. I've learned so much having Suki these past few years and even more in this week alone. I feel it's my duty to impart some of this wisdom. I'll write a section on hindsight and advice in the future but I still have a lot to learn. I'm off to cook my pup some dinner.
(cooking....cooking....cooking...wish I had the time to cook for myself like this!)

So I just gave Suki her nice home cooked meal with brown rice, chicken, kale cauliflower, broccoli, squash, egg, and stinky cod liver oil. She loved it! Then we had some much needed play time followed by cuddle time on the couch. Just like the good ol' days. It was awesome! I'm off of here for tonight and hope tomorrow is full of promise.


Educating myself
12/01/08 - Suki has been doing amazing today! We started off the morning with a nice cuddle in bed followed by an energetic walk. Then I went to the gym and headed off to the library to pickup this wonderful reference called Help Your Dog Fight Cancer by Laurie Kaplan. I wish I knew about it when I was going through this with Zippy. So I came home and was greeted by one hell of a surprise: Suki in full form jumping, barking, and doing her little "walkie" flips just like old times! It was terrific to see her that vibrant and full of energy. No one ever told her that she has advanced cancer in the lungs! So we go for a walk and I literally had to jog to keep up with her! Her bowel movements seem more normalized today and I think it may have something to do with the home cooked meal last night. There hasn't been a single episode of dry heaves or coughing today. I'm off to go read Kaplan's book now and see what other insight she has to offer.

An old pic of us cuddling. My lil monkey has the grumpus maximus face in this shot.

Suki received this adorable get well soon card from a friend in Orlando. I just had to share!

Suki told me tell you thanks Joshe, you made her day!

Chef Mummy to the rescue!
12/02/08 - 4:08 AM
I just finished cooking Suki food for the rest of the week to freeze. I used the recipe from Laurie Kaplan's book but with cooked chicken. I forgot to accommodate for the water loss in cooked meat. We had to feed her before she get's her antibiotic if not she gets nauseous. My boyfriend had to go to bed and I have hardest time giving her the pills so I gave her half of her dinner a bit early while I was still cooking so she could get her medication before he passed out. I wanted to mix the rest of the food with a little bit of the new stuff since it needs to be slowly introduced.

She won't touch the food. I offered her jerky treats...two kinds...no thanks. I offered her some chicken broth....hell no. In a last desperate attempt I offered her a small piece of hot dog which usually she would bite my fingers off for. I got snubbed again. Well...at least it's not my cooking! I just hate her being uncomfortable.....I know she's stressed about it and that makes me stressed. I guess I'll have to try again in a few hours. The good news is she seems to have gained a pound back. I want to get her fattened up and strong in case we have to fight the uphill battle that is treatment. The day had started off so strong but this is a really disappointing end to it. I'm still waiting on the biopsy results as this monster continues to spread inside of her. It's close to a week since the main tumour was removed...I know it was a holiday weekend but crap....we're talking about my dog's life here! Days matter! Hours can change everything!

I've got to get back to bagging up the food....I'm not quite sure of the proportions per weight though so we'll have to figure it out together.

12/02/08 - 5:45 AM
Not sure if she's feeling better or not but she did perk up at the mention of a walkie. Right now she's sprawled halfway across my lap passed out as I type this. It's a shame to have to wake her but it's bedtime for me too! I don't have a pic of it but here's a cute one for now:

Suki hiding from the cancer!

It's time for one last walkie before we hit the sack.


Another day comes and goes and still no results
12/03/08 - 12:49am
So after her walkies my lil angel inhaled her food this morning. I'm glad the nausea subsided for her. In other news, Tuesday is over and still no damn results. It's not like her life is on the line or anything. It really pisses me off! If for any reason it's lymphosarcoma the typical life expectancy is one month following diagnosis. Chemotherapy has a high rate of success with that cancer type but time really is of the essence. On the other hand if it's renal cell carcinoma metastisized to the lungs then I believe the chemotherapy success rate is quite low and I'm unsure of the life expectancy. It really depends on the stage and grade. It's been over a week since we've found the cancer and I'm nowhere closer to knowing what we're dealing with here. It's all very crippling. I'm stuck in a rut of inaction and I have no control over it. At least it's given me a window of opportunity to do some research in the matter.

On the bright side, despite her short bout with nausea in the wee hours this morning, Suki is in full puppy force! We had a very exciting day I must say. In fact it was borderline riveting! It was my day off so everything would be about her.

We started off the day by...cuddling in bed....love that! She's getting the hang of climbing up the pet stairs my friend Allison lent me. Climbing down is another issue. We moved to the couch so I could check email. Talked to a friend on the phone and I found a tick crawling on me. Don't love that. I'm beginning to think the spider bite on my derriere might in fact be a bloodsucking tick bite. The hypochondriac in me can only think "lyme disease!" but I have enough on my plate to worry with Suki so that'll have to take a back seat.

So, the tick debacle involving me running around the house looking like I was having a seizure to make sure no other 8 legged freaks were on me, then crawling on my hands and knees looking for the little asshole that I threw off of me (found him...muwahaha!), followed by me tearing the bed apart with the attention to detail of Sherlock Holmes, and finally ending with me spazing out any time I feel something on me....(which by the way I'm still doing 12+ hours later). We then went for our morning walkies. What comes after walkies? A biscuit! But Suki's not allowed biscuits anymore. Apparently cancer feeds off of sugars from carbs so instead she's been switched to jerky....protein...which starves cancer cells. Dang that stuff is expensive! I'm going to try to start making some myself for her. I'm already cooking her meals....what difference is it if I make her treats? Besides when a dog has cancer it's recommended that only organic food is served, and filtered water. You don't anything to compromise their immune system. I have much better control over what she's eating if I make it myself.

Next comes breakfast! She's a very conscientious, picky, and methodical eater usually....in other words a pain in the ass. Not today! Suki scarfed down breakies, gave it 5 stars, 30 points across the board in Zagat, and promises to eat here again. Phew!

That tick had me on edge so I decided to do a full body (sans cavity) search on the four legged wonder dog. I found one on her front paw eating away, and what I thought was another one on her shoulder turned out to be an ugly mole. Another thing for me to drive my vet nuts about. A new fact I learned. There's a strong link between canine cancer and environmental pesticides....big surprise there......but the conspiracy theorist in me thinks it goes further. These pet tick and flea preventions must have a connection to the puzzle! So I think I'm going to have to get used to doing these searches after every walk...plus wiping her paws with a wet towel. It's probably too late but she is going to be pesticide free from now on if it kills me!

The rest of the day comprised of playtime, brushing, a trip to the vet to get weighed...(she's gained a pound and is back up to 33.3 lb...yay!)...and a lovely trip to PetSmart to get her royal bottom shaved, clipped, and trimmed. It was looking a bit like Gene Wilder and Carrot Top took up residence back there. She loved going to PetSmart but didn't care much for the clippers. I usually never take her there as when Suki was eating store bought dog food it was from the natural food store Pet's Best. To the best of my knowlege I've taken her there twice before. Once, the first week I had her, and the second time a few years later to get her groomed. Funnily though she seemed to remember the place. She dragged me inside and was like a kid in a candy shop. She wasn't bothered by a single dog there which is highly unlike her. I'm not complaing though. After that it was off to see her Grandma, Grandpa, and Great Grandma. They've been so worried about her and haven't gotten to spend any time with her since the surgery! She loves it over there....plenty of cuddle time with everyone!

Must wrap this night up. Walkies...food, pill popping for Suki (she's such a druggie!), and bed awaits. I think I've found a trick to giving Suki her pills. If it works again I'll blog it later.

By George I've Got It!
4:10 am
I'm too excited to go to bed right now for two reasons.

Reason #1: I think I've figured out the trick to getting my picky bitch to take her medicine! She is a handful sometimes, and too smart for her own good! We've always had a difficult time giving Suki her pills. I've tried hiding them in bread, cheese, peanut butter, you name it....and even hot dogs! She won't even eat cheese or p.b. anymore (which she loved both before) because she associates them with pills. As I said before she is a meticulous and a gentle careful eater. She always catches on and eats the food around the pill. Even the manual method of opening her mouth pitching the pill to the back of her throat, closing, and rubbing her neck is virtually an impossibility these days. No matter what we do she manages to catch the pill, hold out or swallow, and then spit the pill out. It's a very frustrating problem.

Well today I tried a slightly different approach. Bribery! And it works! I've been giving her this chicken jerky made by Happy Hips to replace her after walkies biscuit. So when I sat down to give her the pills I waved a slice in front of her nose, she opened her mouth, I shoved pill #1 in and then held her mouth closed and then rubbed her throat keeping the jerky in her line of site. She got excited and swallowed so she could have her reward. I gave her a tiny piece of jerky as reward and praised..praised...praised! Pill #2 went down almost as smooth but she did spit it out twice. On the third try I waved the jerky by her nose and she automatically swallowed the pill. Awesome :D

Reason #2 and this one is a biggie: I've been reading a lot on canine cancer...and I do mean a lot. Laurie Kaplan's book and story was absolutely wonderful and essential to any doggie with cancer guardian. With that said, I do think it's a true eye opener in to the experience of treating a dog with chemotherapy. It's toxic to both cancer cells and healthy cells and is severe. Although the side effects in dogs are minimal compared to those in humans there are still some in dogs and they're not pretty. It was the right choice for her, but I'm not sure I could handle seeing Suki go through it. 1 and a 1/2 years of her dog's life was spent having injections, being sick with vomiting episodes, periods of not eating, nor wanting to move sometimes for weeks. At the time of writing her dog was in complete remission but still was on medications. It took him 6 months after his last treatment of chemotherapy to return to being a normal, happy, and healthy dog as he was before the cancer 2 years prior. A dog living a life for 2 years with that kind of substance to it is not fair in my eyes. With humans we can rationalise the time and understand our suffering. With dogs not so much...all they know is the present....and a present time filled with suffering lasting two years is no life for my dog. It might not even be a viable option for Suki's condition. The other choice would be radiation therapy and the more I read about it the more I think it's not right for us.

After all that above you may be wondering what possible reason would I have to be excited? Well, I'm glad you asked. After reading through one of the many sources I've been using for my research I found the mention of Vitamin C injection therapy. It's results are controversial. The Mayo Clinic discredited it years ago but new findings show a lot of hope. Vitamin C megadoses have been shown to mimic the positive effects of chemotherapy without any of the side effects. There have been several cases from Lymphosarcoma to Renal Cell Carcinoma metastasized to the lungs in advanced stages where complete remission has occured. These results have occured in humans as well as dogs. I'm not a doctor and definitely not a scientist, but I really want to find out everything I can about this. This would allow me to stay holistic in her treatment so that it won't be traumatising to her body nor debilitating to her immune system. My main concern is her quality of life. I don't think I can spend 2 years poisoning my dog with chemicals and toxins.

I'm really trying to not get my hopes up. I'm not a religious person, and am definitely not one would call a "believer". I am a cynic and am highly sarcastic. I guess I would classify myself as a pessimistic optimist. I'd rather expect the worse because then I won't be disappointed and best case scenario I'd be pleasantly surprised. With that said, I don't know why but reading these preliminary studies gives me hope. Not some religious hope, like a higher being will save my dog, but more of a hope in nature. I've always held a strong feeling that the majority of cures to ailments, diseases, and disorders should come from nature....and that the majority of causes of ailments, diseases, and disorders reflect a seperation from nature. I do think science has it's place in medicine but I don't believe someone can wave their hand over someone and poof...magic! The disease disappears! Science sometimes needs to be put in its place, especially in this modern age when the newest drugs are being peddled around. Doctors have become pushers, and the kickbacks are their reward. Who truly has the patients best interest at hand? I don't feel that this is reflected in veterinary care though...or at least not with my DVM. Me personally, I like a balance between both nature and science.

My boyfriend and I were talking about something similar to this tonight. Mini Background on the both of us...we're very different. He's a computer guy. Technology is his tool and Sci-Fi is his game. Me on the other hand...I'm much more organic in nature. I'm definitely the hippy artsy-fartsy one of the both of us. I'm a performer, clothing designer, and sewing machine maven. I love anything tangible...he prefers technical. Despite our differences we both feel that this country is heading backwards to its more basic roots. Now this isn't necessarily a bad thing. This country has been immobilised by convenience products and an easy way to live. People are more conerned with there and now than the tomorrow and future. Food comes processed, pre-packaged and full of preservatives. Organic food is growing in popularity and we think it's rather funny. If this society hadn't screwed with a good thing to start with...giving hormones and antibiotics to animals, spraying pesticides/herbicides on our fruit and vegetation, turning farms into slaughter house factories, there would be no need for a classification such as organic. It all comes down to money. Unfortunately in this society we value money more than our health or the overall greater good. I think this relates to the medicine industry too. New drugs are coming out every day. Some are well warranted...others cover up problems that aren't being addressed. I think I'm rambling....and that means it's bedtime!

It Has A Name
12/03/08 - 8:52am
My Vet's office just called me. The biopsy results are in. No happy dance here. No one can tell me what the damn report means because my vet is out of town and he's the only vet at the practice. Renal Carcinoma was mentioned though. Blah...Not much I can do right now so I really should go to bed. I cooked Suki some more homemade food tonight. This time I had a pressure cooker and cooked the chicken bones for 2 and a 1/2 hours until they were crumbly. One of Suki's favourite canned dog food had bones like these and she was in heaven with the splinter free goodness!

Thankfully there's not much else to report on the Suki front. She's been pretty consistent from day to day. Full of love and energy and an appetite like a teenage boy. She's even started giving me kisses again! I still haven't had a proper hug from her since before the surgery though. It might be because of her back left leg...it seems a bit weird. It might be sensitive from the whole surgery as I think that's the side the kidney was removed from. One more thing to ask my Vet.

Well, that's all folks! I'm hitting the sack!

Hitting a Brick Wall. With My Head!
12/04/08 - 4:46PM
So this morning when I received the phone call from my Vet's office I tried as hard as I could to get the ball rolling on this and it seems everyone is fighting me with red tape. Where did the compassion go in this field??

I called the oncologist office to try to see if she could explain to me what this all means and they said legally she can't talk to me without an appointment. I can't make an appointment without them looking at my dog's biopsy report and they can't seem to find it even though it was faxed this morning. On top of that they said they won't look at her without hearing from my vet but he's on holiday. Fuck me. I don't see what the big deal is. They have the report now because it was faxed over again, but why can't the Dr. explain to me over the phone what treatments are available to us, and what my dog's death sentence is. I need to know the death sentence....I need to know what window of time I'm working with to try to kick this cancer's ass. Well, I'll tell you why. They want their cut. It all comes down to money.

I also tried calling the holistic vet. Similar story there but a little different. I've sent over all of the paperwork and biopsy reports via special delivery...my mum. They said the Dr. will take a look at them and decide if he can help me or not and only then will I get an appointment. But he's in surgery right now. When I called back an hour later at the Holistic vet's place they didn't know if he had looked at my paperwork or not, nor anything about it and he'd already left for the day so I'd have to call back tomorrow to find out.
Blah-fuckityfuckcrapshitfuck!!

Sorry about that. It just felt necessary. I think Suki felt the aggravation I was going through earlier. She vomited. It's the first time it's happened since 2 weeks before the surgery. It was a startling reminder that I need to be strong and carefree around her. She can't be around that negative energy. It's not good for her. Anyhow, the vomit was yellow and slightly foamy. Pretty typical for bile filled vomit. There was a tiny faint line of red which is of some concern. There's several reasons why she might have vomited besides me causing it. I froze a tiny bit of raw chicken the night before to see if she had any interest in it. I've heard so much about the BARF diet but I don't want to cannonball dive into it. I thought the tiny piece wouldn't effect her badly but maybe it did. She ate it up though. We also went up the stairs for the first time since the surgery. I realised halfway up and took the elevator the rest of the way. She's supposed to take it very easy for the first 3 weeks following surgery and it's barely been a week. I just sometimes forget because she doesn't seem sick.

I'll post more later if I get a definitive answer from someone. Anyone. I might just ask a bum on the street what he thinks. It'll probably make more sense what any of them have to say anyhow.

What's next? A swarm of locusts?
12/06/08 - 6:23 am

Silly ignorant me for thinking Thursday was a rough day. Today made yesterday look like the teacup ride at Disney World. So I went to the appointment today with the oncologist. I was hoping to be proven wrong...that it wouldn't be a complete and utter waste of my time. Oh well. Better luck next time, right?? The Oncologist was very sweet and if I had a dog in a less severe situation I would definitely consider her to treat my animal. Unfortunately a happy ending to this story is growing every so distant and fading fast.

The appointment in short went like this: Schlep to Cooper City up north. Waited to see vet. Placed in room. Placed in another room (much nicer....she had a rug and had the room set up like a home..much more welcoming that the usual sterile environments of hospitals). Now, don't get me wrong, the Oncologist was absolutely wonderful with Suki....but that's about the end of my good day.

The Doctor confirmed my fear. Renal Cell Carcinoma metastasized to the lungs...very advanced with no hope of therapy. She more or less sent my Suki home to die. Palliative care...blah blah blah. The prognosis at best and unrealistically gives us 8 weeks. More realistically 2-4 weeks. I'm going to dare to be an optimist for a moment and say that I have 8 weeks. 8 weeks to kick this miserable cancer's ass out my dog. I can understand why people turn to faith and trying times like these. It takes the burden off the individual to place a decision or the course of action in someone (something) else's hands. I don't have that luxury. I'm not completely faithless...just severly lacking in a religious sense and I'm not about to start looking for a god now. I have faith in nature and I'm placing all my bet's on it too. I'll explain further in a bit but it has to do with the vitamin C injections I mentioned in a prior post.

So what made this day such a trying one? It was not just the complete and utter waste of time and money ($120) that going to the oncologist's office turned out to be (unsurprisngly) but the hour(+) aggravation I had on the phone trying to find a human willing to take a chance on a dog with a hopeless cancer. I was searching high and low looking for a clinic with immediate access to vitamin C injections, a clinic that was willing to set aside some time for someone in a desperate situation where waiting for another day was not an option, and a clinic that was open-minded about experimenting with a treatment that has virtually no reliable track record. I called a lot of places. Some fullfilled one part of my requirement, some, another, but none were able to commit to all three. None that is until I got to the last number on my list: Knowles Animal Hospital. At this point I was almost in tears from frustration. When I got on the phone to Knowles I asked them before I would tell them any information if they had access to injectable Vitamin C, and access today. The answer was yes which was a lot further than I got anywhere else. (Minding you by now it's almost 2:30 PM) I then explained to them my situation and asked them would they be able to see me today? The lady said yes. I asked "are you sure??" in utter disbelief. Once again the answer was yes and I felt the heaviness lift away from my heart as just for a moment, not all hope was lost on my deathrow dog.

I had mixed feelings on my appointment at Knowles animal clinic. On the upside the vet I consulted with is incredible. She's well versed in alternative medicine which was a surprise to find at a regular clinic specialising in emergency care. She's trained in canine acupuncture and is familiar with a lot of different herbs that are essential for immune system building. However, the doctor was not familliar with the IV Vit C therapy I've been studying but that seems to be the case everywhere. Why don't more people know about this? They use Vit C injections at this hospital to break a sick animal's fever. I'll keep that as a mental note for the future if I'm feeling shitty.

On the downside the atmosphere of this hospital is not the best for a sick animal. There's a lot of stress in the air. More patients coming in every few minutes. Suki is not the most outgoing of dogs. She always behaves after some coaxing at the Vet but that kind of stress that this hospital was filled with is the last thing she needs while her body is trying to fight the cancer.

She administered 875 mg of Vit C under the skin subcutaneously. More research needs to be done before we dive into a serious treamtment program. The Vet won't continue unless I have some accurate information concerning dosage, reactions etc so I have some homework to do. I'm going to consult with my regular vet once he gets back in town to see if this is something he'd be interested in experimenting with as I'd be much happier taking Suki there. It's much calmer. She's always nervous to go there but I know it'll be a different kind of stress.

A Silver Lining
12/07/08 - 4:21am
I set my alarm this morning thinking I had a telephone appointment with my Vet. I called yesterday to try to set something up. My Vet was fully booked having been away for a few days. He's been out of town since Wednesday and I really wanted to discuss the IV Vit C therapy. I needed to know as soon as possible if he'd be on board for this as we don't have much time to work with. The phone never rang. I called 15 minutes later and he was busy in an appointment but would return my call later. I went back to sleep and woke up at 2pm. They close at 2 on Saturdays so in a panic I called again. He was still in an appointment but would call me back afterwards supposedly. Nothing. I called back closer to 3 and got the answer phone. I was not a happy camper. I understand he's busy but this is my Suki's life we're talking about here. I figured at this point I had nothing to lose so I called his emergency cell phone and left a message tellimg him basically it was not an emergency unless you consider a dog with possibly 2 weeks to live an emergency....and that I had spoken to the oncologist who had given me nothing to work with but palliative care, and lastly I had found a very premature alternative treatment that was a complete shot in the dark but I needed to know if he'd be willing to participate or if I should find someone else more interested. I was worried I crossed a line with the message but as I said before...what did I really have to lose by trying?? When this whole cancer mess started just shy of 2 weeks ago I didn't think there was anything remarkably positive that could come out of it. But I have noticed one thing. I've changed ever so gradually. In situations where I usually would just bite my lip I now speak up. I go as far as to demand someone listen to what I have to say. It's empowered me in a way I never expected. I find myself thinking "what would I have to lose by trying?" It's something that's so obvious but has never really motivated me before. My baby is sick and I'll be damned if I'm going to let anyone get in my way of doing everything I can for her.

So then I waited. Nothing. No ring. No call back. Just silence. I continued to research online and had a break through. I tried a new search and came up with more links that would actually benefit us and help me make a case with the vet at Knowles. This was stuff that I could actually use to prove my point. I don't know why but I felt compelled to get in touch with the doctor's that completed this study. I think the crazy ball dropped. I searched their names in the white pages. First one...no name came up in the state he was supposedly in. Then the next name. I found a listing for the correct city, and state. I pondered for a few minutes on whether I should call, what I should say..would he think I was completely insane? I asked my boyfriend. He knew better than to answer. It wouldn't make a difference and I can be quite contrary. Then I just decided to call...after all....what really did I have to lose. Worse case scenario is that he thinks I'm a psycho and hangs up on me. I could live with that. Not trying....that's not something I could face. I picked up my phone flipped it open and was about to dial when noticed I was already connected on a call. My Vet had called me. Yay!! I was so happy! I was really starting to lose faith in him but he wants to make a go of it so I've passed on all my findings to him including the telephone number I found. He would most likely have something intelligent to say to this pioneering researcher. So that get's us through Saturday. Everyday feels like an episode of 24. Thankfully it was a relatively uneventful day for Suki. Pretty normal behaviour. Playtime...cuddle time...walkies time....food time. One great thing is she's now been off the coughing meds for over 24 hours and not a peep out of her. I was so worried this was caused solely by the cancer. It would have been a real bad turn of events if she was already affected by it that way.

Tomorrow's another day of work so I must get some sleep. I'm meeting with my Vet on Monday to try to get this therapy started. I'm not even sure if he has all of the supplies necessary. I also think I'm meeting with the holistic vet but I've forgotten if I was able to make an appointment or not after everything that's happened so far. Oops. Reminder for myself. If thinks work out with the research and my Vet I need to cancel the appointment with the other Doctor at Knowles. That's it for tonight. *Yawwwwnnnn*

In The Wee Small Hours of The Morning
12/08/08 - 6:03 am
On my search for the cure for cancer...(hey one can hope), I've come across many a reflective blog on the big "C" and our four legged loved ones. Some are in the past...others more current. The older blogs are the sobering ones. This isn't a movie. There most likely won't be a happy ending.

I think I'm on a bit of a downer today. I woke up with my fuzzy one laying in her bed next to me. The bedroom door was open with my boyfriend in the other room but it was nice to know she'd rather be by her Mummy. When I came out of the room my honey gave me the bad news. Suki had vomited about 3 times today. He said he looked it up on the internet and thought it might be caused by hunger as he didn't think he fed her enough the night before. Anyone that's been through this cancer experience with another dog knows better. It's advancing. She had a few more dry heaves throughout the evening but I haven't seen any more vomit. On the plus side she still has her appetite and still loves her walkies and her stuffed red loby. She spent plenty of time cuddling with the both of us while we watched a video we filmed of her all last week. I must say we're the most boring videographers. No Oscars here. It was highly amusing though. We filmed her playing with her toy. When she heard herself squeaking it on the video she jumped off the couch to go play with her red loby. She's also now able to go down the stairs we placed by our bed. Yay :)

Suki and her ''red loby"

Tomorrow will be a long day. We have an appointment with the holistic vet and an appointment (hopefully with our regular vet). I think I'm going to take Suki to PetSmart again afterwards if she's up for it since she had such a nice time last week. Then maybe we'll go to see her Grandma and Grandpa as Daddy won't be home till late. Looking at the clock I now realise tomorrow will start for me in less than three hours. Ugh.

Better or Worse I Never Know
12/09/08 - 2:54PM
I missed my nightly post last night (this morning) so here's a quick update on my lil Suki-Monkey. She only vomited once yesterday but she couldn't possibly do it on the tile that abounds our bedroom. She had to run into the bathroom area and do it on a rug and my shower curtain (which is still down since having the kitten here). Fabulous wake up surprise! It's impossible to get upset with her though. It's not her fault! Thankfully no more vomit the rest of the day. I think vomit is such an ugly word. From now on I'm going to call it #3.

We never made it to the holistic vet yesterday. I had to move the appointment to today since I thought I was taking my dog in for her first treatment but my Vet didn't have the stuff on hand so we're starting tomorrow morning as the stuff came in today...yay!

As the mother of a sick pup you notice yourself celebrating the little things....as awkward as they can be. I'm the type to talk to her out loud...in doors and out. It might make me look a little crazy but so be it. She understands me and that's all that matters. Now she had been having some problems with her #2's as they were running faster than her to put it politely. As she's settled into her new diet of home cooked goodness they're starting to normalise thankfully. So yesterday when I was walking her and she did her business I saw it was a solid one and I exclaimed "Good Poo Suki!" probably way louder than I should have. I had to stop for a second and look around to see if anyone heard me....hehe.

Poo is a hot topic in our household and it's done wonders for my relationship with my man...ahem...sarcasm. We're always asking each other "How was Suki's poo?" and a full description is given. I think we're true poo critics. We grade them on colour, consistency, and shape.

This can't be normal.

I hate to leave you with that last thought but I must take the little one for her morning w-a-l-k. I'll update with pictures later.

The Pressure Is on
12/10/06 - 3:47 am
I might finally be getting the hang of this whole pressure cooker nonsense. Third times the charm! Nice mushy marrow filled bones for my Suki. Loaded with Calcium and lot's of flavour goodness. She's been getting finicky with her food again so her stomach might be upset but her 2's look good and there's no pukies today...yay :) But a wee bit of dry heaving...nay :(

We had the visit with the Holistic Vet today. He said Suki has a strong life force inside of her. All I could think of was Yoda. He prescribed BRM4 which will be there in two days, Lung Liquescence, and DMG. The first is just another name for MGN-3 which is a mushroom extract compound. The latter are two oxygen therapies. We're going to see how the vit C affects her before we introduce them. I'm still looking for a good fish oil to use for Suki. I'm not impressed with the Cod Liver Oil I bought her. It's in liquid form and just doesn't smell right. The capsules smelled better...still stinky though, but fresh stinky. This just smells fake stinky and Suki isn't impressed with it either. The holistic vet suggested I order cold water shark liver oil. It's supposed to whoop all of the other fish oil's asses in terms of omega3's

I'll post a list of every treatment I've decided to use and my views on them at the end of this whole experience but I just wanted to take the time to recommend another book in case anyone tuning in is going through the same shitstorm as me. Preventing and Treating Cancer in Dogs by Shawn Messonier. It is a true wealth of knowledge. I highly suggest all dog owners to buy it as fifty percent of dogs will be diagnosed with cancer at some point in their lives. Fifty percent! It's outrageous. Take control of this nasty disease while you have time to do something about it. Don't wait till you're pet is struck with it. I think there's another book I want to order but I'll wait till I'm halfway through this one. I can't wait for the day when I can go back to reading normal books. I was in the middle of the Historian, and I have the popular Twilight series lined up afterwards (thanks Lucy!). But right now I can't waste time on things other than cancer books.

This whole experience is making me aware of my own mortality. The rate of Cancer in women is almost as high as it is in dogs and a lot of the same preventative measures can be taken. Of course dogs are at a disadvantage. Many people feed their dogs commercial foods which are loaded with cancer causing preservatives. That's a first strike. On top of that dogs are more exposed to chemicals and contaminants since they have no protection for their paws. That's a second strike. Lastly dog's aren't able to communicate to us when they're feeling sick. It's usually too late by the time the signs are there. This means we the owners need to do everything that we can to be aware. Check your pets lymph nodes frequently. Get to know your dog's body so you'll be highly alerted if something has changed. Be observant of breathing patterns, the way they walk, the way they eat. It's really about being a detective.

Pesticides are a majour problem and need to be addressed. I've learned to wipe my pup's paws after every walk and I've become adamant about checking her for ticks. I'm planning on stopping her advantix this month too. No more damn chemicals. I need to do more research on Interceptor. I saw yesterday that PetSmart has a whole slew of natural flea and tick preventatives with essential oils as the primary ingredients. I think this is a wonderful step in the right direction but I still want to find out more about these products and the company creating them. It's wonderful to see the fair sized organic section in PetCo. This is relatively new but it's a sign of times changing. I'm still highly doubtful I'll ever go back to processed food for any dogs of mine and I'm really taking a sharper look at the processed foods I eat. I'd like to get to the point where I'm cooking dinner for the whole family at once just substituting soy meats or fish for me. I'm not getting nearly enough vegetables and fruit is lacking too. I used to be so healthful but lack of time has become a burden when it comes cooking.

The seconds are ticking away so I must take a quick nap. Suki has her first I.V. Vit C therapy this morning. I'm pretty excited. I've heard mixed reviews on this type of therapy but there's one thing I know for certain. Taking no action against this cancer will achieve nothing. I owe it to her to try. Afterall, the force is strong with this one.

Morning Came Too Soon
12/10/08 - 11:08 am
I came back about an hour ago from dropping the little one off for her first treatment. When that alarm went off this morning to take her to vet I had the right mind to smash my phone. I am not a morning person. Three hours of sleep doesn't help much either I'm sure. I'm going to take a nap...hopefully. yaaaaaaaaaawwwwwnnnnn!

Magic Bone Fun!
12/11/08 - 3:57 am
I finished another batch of Suki's food. I did this one like the first one as she wasn't too impressed with the second batch. The main difference is I tossed the veggies with the egg whites and cooked for a few minutes. It changes the flavour just enough for her to tolerate it. Plus I didn't add the cod liver oil. I need to see if I can find a better type to use because neither of us care for the smell. I've been supplementing her meals with sardines and salmon skin so she should be getting some omega 3's from that. I finished cooking the bones the other night. Yes you can feed a dog cooked chicken bones as long as they're pressure cooked for a sufficient amount of time. I also added some organic apple cider vinegar to the pressure cooker as I've heard it softens the bones more and is nutritionally amazing. After mashing them a bit to smash the majority of the bones I threw the bones in the processor to make sort of a paste:

Looks a bit like chocolate frosting. Oh how I wish!

Suki approves!

This is then mixed with the cooked chicken and the sauteed veg mix. I dry and ground the leftover eggshells into a very fine powder, add some kelp granules and "bob's your uncle" we have Suki food. Grinding the eggshells is the biggest pain in my arse. I must find a more efficient way to do that. In other news, Suki had her first Vit C treatment today. She puked once at the beginning which is to be expected. She hasn't had the runs.....yet. That's a common side effect. After the treatment she was like a bullet out of a gun...but she always seems to be like that after leaving the vet's. I'm worried as her appetite is not as it should be but that could be cuz of the stinky food. I just hate wasting it so I'm try to cover up the flavour any way that I can until she starts on the new batch. Throughout the evening she seemed rather lackluster but we're about to go for a walkies so I'm hoping she'll perk up a bit. We have another round of the treatment tomorrow. I think I'm going to see if I can stay with her this time.

That's all folks. Same place same time tomorrow so see you then! Nighty night!

Sleepy Sad Suki
12/12/08 - 3:19 am
Suki had her 2nd round of Vit C therapy today. I wasn't able to stay with. I felt very sick suddenly this morning at the Vet's. When I was talking with the Dr. the room started to spin and I got really hot and my ears started buzzing. I knew I was seconds away from blacking out and I barely made it to a bench to sit down. I'm not sure how it happened. I think my iron levels are too low again but my man thinks it's stress and/or lack of sleep. Maybe it's the holy trinity? It's happened to me before but not in years!

When I came home from work this evening about an hour ago Suki came to greet me. I could tell that she was still really out of it. The treatment makes her really lethargic as it is toxic doses. No puking today nor runny 2's. I think it's because I made her eat this morning before taking her. She's barely eaten today and that has me worried. I was feeding her by fork earlier because she refused anything from her bowl. I'm hoping it's just from the treatments and that she'll bounce back over the weekend. She's going to turn into one spoiled brat. Suki has one more session tomorrow morning and followed by 2 a week for the next 6-8 weeks (hopefully if she stays ok). Then we'll re-evaluate her and see if she's improving or at best not getting any worse.

Today's blog was brought to you by the colour "indigo"

I started Suki on her first round of Lung Liquescence (she did not approve) and DMG (this was pretty easy). Tomorrow I'll pick up her BRM4 prescription. I'm going to skim through Messonier's book tonight and make a list of all the other supplements and try to narrow it down to a few more. When Suki had a lump removed about a month ago her doctor also lanced a pimple looking thing on her ear. It's grown back....I can only assume because there's just not quite enough wrong with my dog. Grumblemumblemumble.

Time to do my "homework." Night night.

Another Day Gone By
12/13/08 - pm sometime
I type this as my man and Suki play with her red loby and now a tennis ball. It's time for walkies but I wanted to post a quick update. Suki had her third and last treatment of the week of Vit C yesterday. It definitely hits her hard in terms of lethargy but she seems in better spirits tonight. Her eating habits have suffered greatly and she has become a bonafide princess. I worked for years to build a calm, balanced, and low maintenance dog and it's all gone out the window these past couple of weeks. I love her so much so I let it slide but I'm still greatly concerned that she's not getting sufficient enough calories. It's so important for her to retain her weight.

My honey has been absolutely wonderful these past couple of nights that I've been working. We've resorted to bribing her with sardines and salmon skin to get her to eat. Sometimes it takes feeding her from a spoon for about an hour but as long as she eats I'm happy. Her next treatment is at 12 on Tuesday but we're going to try to give her a wash on Monday as she's one stinky pup right now now.

I'm tired from work so it's time for me to call it a night. Tomorrow's another long day!

Sunday...Suki...Sunday
12/14/08 - 4:26 pm
I'm up, showered, and about to get ready for work but I wanted to quickly post something. My man gave me some good news today. He walked Suki around 1:30 and put her food out around 2:30. Apparently she dove nose first into it and left only a couple of bites. No bribery or spoon feeding necessary. On top of that, when I called her over to pet her this morning before getting out of bed she misunderstood and lept up on to the bed to cuddle. No stairs necessary. I must say I was quite pleasantly surprised! Time to resume getting ready for work. Yay! Today's starting off as a good day.

Busy as a Suki-Bee
12/16/08 - 11:56 pm
It looks like I missed a day posting so I'll give a few updates on what's been going on in the wonderful world of Suki. Some good...some bad but that's just how it is when you have a cancer dog.

Suki finally had her stitches taken out and her catheter removed for the weekend so she could get a washy and boy did she need it. We took some great video of her soaked highness but it was also a little sad. My Dad and I always used to laugh when we washed her. She's looks like this tough foreboding terror when she's all dry and out and about but when Suki is wet she looks like a scrawny rat. She has so much hair it's really easy to forget how small she is. This was made ever so apparent last night. Under the shower head my Suki looked totally emaciated and it was very depressing. I could count her ribs and almost wrap my hands around her waist. Half of the battle is keeping the weight on with her and seeing her like that was just so sobering.

There's several terms for what she's going through: Cachexia, Anorexia, Inappetance. Call it what you will...it fucking sucks. So we're on mission "Fatten Up Suki." This is no easy task. The Vit C gives her nausea and decreases her appetite although we did get her to eat some today. Before that though I had the wonderul experience of seeing her #3 up her breakfast about 30 minutes into her treatment, followed by a quart of water we mistakingly gave her to drink after her first #3 of the day....it was like a flood. The first time around I was able to get her to marginally miss her bed that I brought with to the vet. There was no hope the second time. A great deluge came pouring out of my Sukes' mouth and it covered anything within a mile radius.

If that wasn't enough, I had noticed last night a lump on her ear had grown back but was twice the size. I asked my Vet to try to do a needle aspiration on it but he didn't think it was necessary as it just looked like a pus filled cyst. When he started prodding around he soon realised it was more of a tumour like growth.

This firmly established a lot of what I've read recently. If you see a growth on a dog no matter how innocent it may look, please INSIST on having it biopsied. Your vet might think it's a bit extreme but it could potentially save your dogs' life. If it does comes back benign and it is near any of the lymph regions (upper shoulders, upper legs/back , around neck/head have x-rays done. A benign growth can be systematic of a more serious problem. I wish someone had told me that before. It could have saved a lot of heartache.

We're sending what he was able to get out to be biopsied. It probably won't change anything...after all she already has very advanced metastatic carcinoma to the lungs. This could mean the cancer has spread to her skin. This would not bode well for our fight. There's also another small lump on her other ear and another one on her ribcage and the one on her tail is looking mighty ugly. I'm not sure if they're all new of if I just became more intune with her head to toe since everything that's happened.

I finally feel comfortable enough to think without a doubt my Suki will be around through Christmas. At the beginning of the month I was so terrified of that thought. I remember thinking barely a couple of weeks ago that I needed to buy her some xmas gifts and then it all just hit me. Her very valid death threat and impending doom was hanging over my head. She might not be here then. I broke down and cried.....not just cried....bawled! That was the last time I cried since the whole mightmare began. I hope it's a longtime before I need to again.

All of the books I've read have said to prepare for the worst....the end. With the grim prognosis 2 weeks ago from the oncoligist, and now being about 1/4 towards her death sentence (at best remember) already passed I felt it was time to have an earnest conversation with my vet today. When the time comes will I be able to have "it" done at home, would he be available, could he recommend someone..etc. In more or less words my vet said that due to how well she's doing right now we're pretty far from even needing to have that talk which was a great relief to hear considering not even 2 weeks ago I was told to that I was pretty much taking my dog home to die. Two weeks down....6 weeks to go. I'm hoping for at least 6 more months with her. That's my goal. If going by the day the bomb was dropped on us that would make my target date June 25th. A day after Zippy's birthday funnily enough.

Aside from the ills of this morning she does seem to be doing quite well. When we came home she was up and jumping and even grabbed her toy to greet us like she used to. It's one of her quirks that most of the time when one of us comes home Suki will run to the doggie gate, jump up, run away, grab her toy and bring it back and start flailing it about. It's funny as all hell to see in person.

Also we were able to get her to eat earlier tonight with some coaxing...or should I say....bribery...of the vienna sausage sort. I gave her a tiny taste when my man was eating them and it set off a switch in her head. It's probably one of the worst things for her with all of that sodium but she seemed to love them and it got her eating. He grated one in her food that she wouldn't touch before and she scarfed it down making a mess everywhere. My Suki has gone from this dainty, polite, well behaved angel that always took treats nicely and calmly with no chance of losing an appendage to....a piranha. It's my own doing. You'll understand when I post a video of me giving Suki her pills using my "jerky" method. I'm just happy to get her to take them. She's starting to catch on though. She tries to keep an eye on my right hand before opening her mouth for the jerky as to avoid it. She knows that's the hand that's going to help shove the pill down her mouth. It's as though she's weighing the pros and cons in her head before she goes for the jerky.

"Hmm...that jerky looks damn good! I don't trust her though....but oooh...that jerky! NO! I must resist...the...jerky...just say no.....ooh no....JERKY!...nomnomnom....Frack! She got me again!"

I think I'm going to try pill pockets before I lose a finger, but I don't have much hope for them working. Knowing Suki she'll eat the pill pocket and spit out the pill. Tonight, I added a couple more pills to her arsenal. I ended up going grocery shopping, spent close to $90 only to find that I bought absolutely nothing for my boyfriend or myself. Suki is getting beyond spoiled. I got some ground turkey to make her some jerky, some chuck roast to make I don't know (I'm a vegetarian..heh), a couple tins of salmon, a tin of green tripe (yuck!), an assortment of other tin dog foods, salmon oil, low sodium beef stock, and some supplements: digestive enzyme blend, and L-Glutamine. Both get fed before meal times. The blend is to aid in her absorption of nutrients and the Glutamine is help fight off the wasting and increase her appetite. I also bought some CoQ10 but from my research it seems to benefit dogs more that are going through chemo. It protects their heart from toxicity. I'm going to read up a bit more on it before I crack it open. The last compound I bought is Beta Glucan (1,3 and 1,6 combined).That's another one I'd like to read up on a bit more. She's on all her supplements once a day for right now but a few of them will be bumped up to 2 x day. Chris the fish guy at our supermarket had saved Suki some more salmon skin which was a nice treat for her to enjoy. It really perks up her appetite is loaded with good fat and omega 3's.

Here's a quick breakdown chart of what she's taking. To be updated as new things are added.

2xweek
IV Vit C therapy 500mg/lb in (I believe) 200cc solution (started 12/10/08)

2xday w/o food
Lung Liquescence (started 12/11/08)
Wholezyme (digestive enzyme compound) (started 12/16/08)
L-Glutamine (started 12/16/08)
Beta-Glucan (possibly)

2xday with food
DMG (started 12/11/08)
Fish Oil (Salmon, Cod Liver Oil)(started 12/07/08)

1xday with food
CoQ10 (possibly)
BRM4 (started 12/11/08)

Here's a few of the other supplements I'm investigating
Cold Water Shark Liver Oil (squaline)
Quercetin
NAC & Glucathione
*Curcumin
*Seacure
Colostrum
*Larch Arabinogalactan
Astragulus
Artemisinin

I don't want to have more than 10 pills to have to give her so I'm going to narrow it down to the most essential. If anyone has any feedback I'd love to hear it.

Here's the amount of supplements that I'm taking:
.......nil, none, zero, nein, nada......
hmm..that may change.

*****I've been seriously slacking on updating here. The weekends are always hard due to my job, so I'm just going to post mini updates on everything I can remember. ******

Attack of the 5'9" Klutz!
12/20/08 - pm sometime
So this evening has been rather eventful. I drove off to work, parked the car, hopped out, and tripped when trying to get on the sidewalk. But...I couldn't just trip...oh no...that would be too easy...I had to crack my ankle. I thought for sure it was broken when it first happened but I think it's just a nasty sprain. My friend is lending me some crutches to help my keep off of it. I've done this a few times before but never this bad. On the Suki front things have been rather uneventful thankfully. She does seem to have trouble breathing...it's like she's breathing very hard but whenever I take her to the vet she seems normal! It's very frustrating! Her appetite is going up and down but at least she's eating something.

Xmas at Work
12/21/08
This evening was our holiday party at work. Despite being on crutches and heels (I'd be damned if I wasn't going to look fabulous!) I managed to have a good time. The secret santa was a lot of fun but man I work with a bunch of alcoholics...hehe. Almost all of the gifts were liquor of some sort. It was nice having a night out where I didn't have to think about cancer. I really needed it.

Blue Monday
12/22/08
Man do I hate crutches. This was not the best day. For the most part things were okay with Suki but I had a sad phone call from my friend. A kitty she rescued was dying most probably from feline leukemia. By the time I got to her house the cat had already passed. It's been such a rough year. I truly can't wait for 2009 and damn I hope it's better. I'm not sure how much more of this crap I can take!

Seasonal Chaos
12/23/08 - 10:47 pm
I can't drive due to my massively screwed up ankle so my boyfriend took Suki and I to the vet today for treatment. Before going she #3-ed on one of our mats. Suki did very well on her treatment but when we were about to take her home she #3-ed again. No fun :(

In other news we received the biopsy results from a skin growth I had biopsied last week. Adenocarcinoma. Most likely metastasized from the renal cell carcinoma. It's spread more....sonofabitch. It was what I was expecting...but I had a shred of hope that it was just benign.

Once home I prepared the remainder of her food for the week and made a stuffed salmon to take to a potluck dinner my best friend was having. I had a nice time but I hate not being home with my Suki.

Twas the Night Before Xmas...
12/25/08 - 1:30 am
...and all through the house..not a creature was stirring...not even a Suki.
Today was quite possibly the longest day we've had in awhile. It started at 7:30 am. Suki had to be at the Vet's for 8 am so we had to get her up and at it. I had to get my ankle xrayed so I made a few phone calls and got an appointment for 9 am. I didn't even have time to shower before leaving the house. Once we got to the Dr's they did the xrays and it looks like I've ripped a couple ligaments in my ankle from my adventure on Saturday. Fun! I am now forced to wear this massive moonboot and am not allowed to work this weekend. Money is tight enough these days with all of Suki's stuff she has going on. This is the last thing I need.

We then headed to the mall, dropped of my prescription, picked up the Suki from her treatment - one #3 :(, had lunch, ran a few more errands and finally made it home by 5:30. We ended up being double booked for dinner....and had to be at the first one for 6pm so it was more rush..rush...rush. Had dinner with friends and then had another dinner with my man's family (awesome scallops!) and opened prezzies. I hate being away from Suki all this time so I made sure to squeeze in some playtime with her. The good thing about not having much time to holiday shop and being skint is that wrapping prezzies is an absolute breeze! Well I must get us to sleep before Father Christmas arrives!

Ho..Ho..Ho
12/26/08 - 1:17 am
Today we had xmas lunch (dinner) at my parents....my Jewish parents...go figure, but it's how I was raised being English and all. Pretty much everyone there was Jewish accept for my best friend (Wiccan) and my partner in crime (Quasi Catholic Atheist?). Suki seemed a little sluggish today but she did get plenty of cuddles from everyone and a some lovely roast beef and turkey to go with her prepared meal. No complaints from her. The day is winding down and I must help my man pack. He's leaving us for 10 days to go to Colombia. What a week it'll be...Suki and her cancer, my and my screwed up ankle. We'll manage though....we always do.

Nighty night!

8 Women
12/30/08
Suki had her first treatment of the week today. Unfortunately there was a #3 to be had. I think she had a nice time last night. As my guy is out of town I had gal night in. My friend Melissa was coming down for a day to hang out so I invited my closest girl friends to accompany us. Including Suki there was 8 of us and a bunch of home made Thai food. Everyone made a fuss over Suki. She is the sweetest dog and I have yet to meet one person that hasn't fallen in love with her. Even people that don't know her come up to her to tell her how beautiful she is. I think it's going to her head!

More Sleep Please!
12/31/08
I stayed up stupidly late last night. My friend Melissa stayed for another night and Phil came over to reminisce as we all used to work together. Suki had her 2nd treatment for the week and we've now been doing these treatments for a month. I'm not sure if it's working or not but Suki has been great the last few weeks and that's promising. It's New Years Eve and I desperately need a nap if I'm going to be of any use tonight.

Not A Great Start
1/01/09
So New Years Eve was last night and I must say I'm not impressed with the beginning of this fresh year. My best friend was my date for the night since my man was out of town. We started off the evening at my parents for dinner. Lobster, shrimp, and stone crabs oh my! The bubbly never made it to midnight as we had it with dessert. A bottle of Dom Perignon was the drink of the night which was a gift from one of my dad's customers. I then played charades with my family which in my 27 years I have never done with them. It was quite bizarre but surprisingly enteraining. Her and I were planning on heading to an event another friend was putting together but one thing led to another and we never made it out the house. Midnight came and went and my new years kiss went to my Suki. She sat on the couch with me for the countdown. About a minute or two into the new year she jumped off the couch and was limping and then hyperventilating with breathing problems. It came out of nowhere! I was absolutely distraught that this was how the new year was starting. Suki has been doing so well the last few weeks. It was devastating to see her so uncomfortable and with me unable to do anything about it. I decided a walk might do her some good so we waited for the fireworks to subside and for her breathing to normalise and then headed out. The limping went away for the walk but returned when we came back. I debated most of the night if I should take her to the emergency room. My end decision was that it wasn't life threatening and could wait till morning to decide.

Today Suki was still rather iffy. There was limping but nothing like the day before. She had the hyperventilating again but only once and she seemed to calm down from it rather quickly.

A Triple Visit to the Vet
1/2/09 - pm
Suki seemed still quite bad this morning so I took her to the vet. Nothing quite perks her up like a visit to Dr. Scherr. I think she just likes to make me look like a hyponchondriac because when we got there she was fine...tail wagging and all. I got Suki a prescription for prednisone to help against the inflammation and to boost her appetite but I'm not supposed to start it till after we get the results from her latest blood test. She's been urinating a lot more than usual and I wanted to make sure her kidney function is in check. However come to think about it her blood test came back normal before the operation so I don't think we would know either way.

Cancer....What Cancer?
1/3/09 pm
You would never know my Suki has cancer from her behaviour today. She was gung-ho all the way for everything. We had a wonderful 30 min walkies which she led the way strong and proud. There was plenty of cuddling time, bone chewing time, and toy play time. It was an all around warm and fuzzy day. I wish every day for her could be this good! The results came back normal as I expected but since Suki seems to be doing so well I want to postpone giving her the pred. I hope tomorrow is this good!

Blast From the Past
1/4/09 pm
Suki's limp was back again this morning but it had switched legs. I'm beginning to think she's faking it..heh. Today I exercised both of her legs followed by a mini massage and it seemed to help her quite a bit. She was of mixed spirits all day. I was getting ready to take her out this morning but before I could she had some visitors that were looking forward to seeing her: Marilyn and Jen, the ladies that rescued and took care of Suki. They haven't seen her since I adoped her (then Cookie) close to 5 years ago. They agreed she looks the same but thinner but since Suki was still sleepy she didn't have a lot of energy to share with them. She certainly perked up when it came time for her morning walk though.

Suki has really taken to the baby food. I tried adding it the other night as a last resort. She's eaten the equivalent of one meal the last day and a half and it's worrisome. But now my spoiled little girl will eat her food as long as it's covered in baby food. It's pretty much like a gravy. I'm going to try to figure out how to make it for her tomorrow as those little jars are expensive along with everything else she's having!

My honey finally came back from Colombia. It was lonely without him here! I'm considering taking her for acupuncture tomorrow as I'm still on the fence about giving her the prednisone. I'll do a bit more research on it tonight.

That's all!